Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Hi Jos' Mum here again. Wow, I filled up another one.

The rest of Joannes' story is upsetting, and private, and there's no need for me to go into details here. That wednesday night, 26th January, Joanne collapsed and her heart stopped. They resuscitated her, but her brain had been starved of oxygen for too long - she never woke up. She was moved to the Neuro science Critical Care Unit, where she received exceptional care, and we kept a bedside vigil. Her Dad, David, and his daughter Bethany were able to come down from Hull to be with her, and our friends Vicky and Mike stayed, but on that final night she was surrounded by her close family, Dagan and Angela, Brian and Toby, and me. We all held on to her as she exhaled her last little breath..... and she looked so beautiful, and finally at peace. That was at one oclock on the morning of 1st February 2005.

We are in no doubt that Joanne is fine now, even though we thought that this was another hurdle for her to get over, as she did so often in the past, it was just too much for her.
She is a free spirit, her soul is no longer trapped in an ailing body, she is pure energy knowing no bounderies,and unrestricted by linear time. Whatever your beliefs, and whichever words you chose to describe them. I feel her presence and know she approved of the Celebration of her life. No doubt she's chuckleing at our final plans for her earthly remains. All purely symbolic, but she's going for one more skydive at the North London Parachute Centre where she spent so many happy times when she was well, before we scatter her ashes at sea from her uncle Brians' boat 'Black Bird'

I owed it to Joanne, and to you all, to write the final chapters of her blog, and now I am done.

Hi, Jos' Mum here again. I hadn't realised that there's only a finite space per blog entry. Also, even though I clicked on the publish box, it didn't arrive on the blog site. Dagan was baffled too, and he's gonna try and get it sorted today,so I'll just blunder on. (One of our plans for the future would have been Joanne teaching me all about using the computer!)

Where was I - hallucinations, suffice it to say, she got over that period. She actually began to feel better, though she wasn't happy with haemo-dialysis. It's far more aggressive than PD, and consequently they couldn't give her too much too soon, so she felt overloaded and weary most of the time. Thank goodness, it was only to be short term till her peritonium healed and recovered enough for the operation to replace the PD tubes. (Probably a few months). So we were all set for the three trips a week to Addenbrookes, she'd got the twilight(early evening) slots, which was a bit of a pain in the ass, but looking on the bright side,that meant that instead of having to be in bed by 10oc to start PD, she could go out on the town or sit up all night if she felt like it.
On 11th January I heard that I had got Early Voluntary Retirement, probably finishing work at the end of February. (We'd been waiting for this news since I applied last October-time).
We were both so excited about how this was gonna change our lives - no more catching the bus to hospital, I'd be her personal chaufferse all the time - on good days we could just up and head for the coast, or the forest, for picnics - we'd have our main meal at lunch-time - loadsa stuff to plan for.
She'd agreed not to apply for anymore jobs until after her transplant op.
They'd suggested the possibility of maybe having a feeding tube again, because of the gastroparesis flareups, but you know how she loved her food, so she convinced them that she'd go all out to control it with diet. We'd got lists up in the kitchen, and diet sheets filled with perfectly acceptible and scrummy things for us to eat and drink.
Her charcots' ankle had pretty much started to crumble again, and she was so mad with them for not doing the amputation last July, when she was psyched up for it, because by now she probably would have been mobile with a prosthetic, and wouldn't have got the pseudo gout in her knee . However she agreed not to worry about that for a couple of months because we'd got way too much good stuff to think about.
We were really going to to town on the garden this year - I'd do all the heavy stuff, so's she could concentrate on her tomatoes, strawberries, runner beans and herbs, which she so enjoyed over the last two years, and branch out to include other good things to eat. She loved the flowers and shrubs too, but that was my domain.
She'd signed up for an Open University course again. (She'd had to cancel the one she started last year as she got behind with the course due to so much time in hospital - main reason for getting her lap-top, later). So she was prepared this time, and lowered her sights, to an introduction to the Social Sciences. Just to keep her mind active, ready for someday returning to work.
She'd got her name on the local Housing List (ok, they can take years we knew) but she was determined to one day be independant again.
I tell you all this because I want you to know that NO WAY did we ever consider what actually was to happen.

I brought her home, and on the 16th January we had a lovely family sunday lunch when Dagan and Angela came with Rolo, and our friend Ali joined us - we'd been looking after Jet (her black lab) for the weekend. She was her old self, screaming with laughter at the antics of the three dogs, with many funny reminiscences of her wild time on drugs, and joking about whether she could actually stay out of hospital a whole week and be here for next sunday lunch. Sadly she didn't make it to the next weekend, in fact when I came home monday lunchtime she was very poorly - just very week and dizzy. She said that she could have sorted herself out if only she could do PD. Anyway I took her in to her dialysis slot, and I knew that they would keep her in.
She rallied round again, bless her, albeit with a couple of shots of blood during dialysese(that's meant to be the plural of dialysis) which we weren't happy about because the more she has the more difficult it would be to get a good match for her transplant op. By the way she was back on good old C5 - home from home. They'd sorted her out and there was a good chance that they might have let her come home, normally she would have been nagging them to let her out, but after the peritonitis scare she was treading a little more cautiously, and besides she wasn't feeling that great and she'd got a bit of a cough. This turned into a nasty infection which affected her chest, nose, eyes and ears, and she told me not to come in monday and tuesday, because she didn't want me to catch it . So we had our usual chats on the phone, and I wasn't too worried especially as by wednesday (my day off) she was feeling a whole lot better. I took her in her favourite roast chicken pieces (still hot) which she ate with relish, but saving some bits for Ash, waiting patiently, as always, in the car. Normally, I'd have wheeled her down to spend some time with him (in the garden on warm days, but mostly in the winter we just sat in the car), but she was waiting to be picked up for dialysis, so had to stay in her bed space. The usual topic - devising fun plans for my retirement - she had carefully positioned her fan to blow the bugs down the ward, not at me. Such a thoughtfully wicked girl!
Later, I got the phonecall from the ward letting me know that Joanne had taken a turn for the worse and I should go in.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Hi, Jos' mum here as promised.
Firstly, let me briefly run through what happened from the time of her last post. She was admitted to hospital on the 15th December - yes that was the day she was taking part in the medical exams, unfortunately throwing up all over the first candidate put paid to that, and the job interview later. Of course she was upset but realised that it was possibly the stress/excitement of the interview which brought on the gastroparesis flareup. Anyway she needed IV meds to settle her down. No biggee really - she was just desparate to get back to Christmas preparations.
So, I brought her home on the 22nd, back in Christmas eve, home again on the 27th, back in again New Years Day and her operation to remove the PD plumbing and insert the Haemo plumbing in her neck/chest was on the 3rd January. Nobody should have to endure that much pain, but through it all we thought that this was just another hurdle to get past. Anyway let her tell you about that........

11th January
Something is bugging me about this date - like it's someones' birthday, or other special occasion - or more likely a hospital appointment. Still, it's 5.29pm so it's too late to worry. Besides, I have an excuse.

I have been away and I ought to warn you all that the past week or so I have been blabbering like an idiot. After all the pain and painkillers I have endured, I have never been this nuts - I am hallucinating, and not in a good way. I am on C9 and I think they all hate me - I am that patient, late at night, who shouts and screams and wakes everyone else up. I am that strange patient who keeps asking where I am, and insisting the nurses check my room all hours of the night. But mostly I am just the patient who disagrees with everything they say. I mean, the doctors have told me that it's all normal, and assured me there is nothing there, nothing - no matter how hideous - can hurt me because it's all in my mind. Now, I had a similar discussion with Vanessa, my CBH therapist, because I figure that as soon as I have a thought, be it "Oh God I look fat" or "Jesus, there's a massive bloodstained rottweiler in my bedroom, and it's growling at me," then that "thought" is real, it's out there - I can see it, and no matter how much you say it's not real, ("I'm not fat"/"Hello big boy") there is another part of your head saying "Yeah but it's right THERE in front of you." So I was really offended by the nurse who kept coming in and shouting at me that it was in my head, there was no-one there and it was about time I accepted it, as she's told me often enough, and go to sleep! Perhaps I ought to start at the beginning, before I carry on ranting.

What did I tell you? I don't remember when I got on, if I got on, before Christmas. So quick round up, - was admitted the week or so before Christmas with GP - also noticed my tenkopft (sp) exit site was a bit bloody - showed it to the CAPD nurse who said it looked ok for now - I had no stomach ache and no temp so she said it was ok to go home. The day I left I had a tummy ache, nothing too severe, and I so wanted to get home for Christmas. I left hospital on the wednesday, in hindsight I should have stayed in and started the Peritonitis protocol. Thursday I was in agony and PD was agony too, but my bags were clear - I just wanted to get through one Christmas day without ruining it for everyone. However, I did my daytime exchange at around 5.30 and it was thick and gunky and the pain was incredible. (On top of that, I'd forgotten to heat a bag up.) So after speaking to dear Angela, the poor nurse on call, she told me to drain in, and then meet her in the Medical Admission Unit. (I didn't tell her about my mistake with the cold bag.) At least I wasn't the first to call and she was already at Addenbrookes. Dr Sanjay (still don't know his surname) was on all over the weekend too so it was nice to see friendly faces. C5 had been closed due to a stomach bug, poor babies, I must have just missed it , thank goodness, so I spent Christmas in MAU. It was very nice and festive, including a full roast turkey lunch, paper hats and presents for every one. I had a second Christmas at home a couple of days later with Mum, Dagan and Angela, and all the animals of course, but then I just seemed to get worse and was back in MAU for the New Year.
I was given Pethadine for the pain - and then the specialist pain doctors team came to see me and made a few suggestions including a morphine drip which I controlled myself. It didn't really work much at first, as I felt too guilty/embarassed to be such a baby, and the last thing I needed was to hear some nurse say "Blimey Jo, no-one's ever needed this much pain relief before, what a wuss!" (I know they wouldn't SAY that but I bet there are a few at least who would feel it.) Anyway, I saw the pain team and Dr Sanjay again, both made me cry by poking me - like they do - these bloody doctors, but they told me to press it whenever I needed it, and that I'd hardly had any the day before, and inadequate pain control is almost worse than none, and besides I would fall asleep long before I was able to overdose.
So I just pressed and pressed - it was bearable, but I was also wary of getting side effects - especially constipation, which actually wasn't a problem. That night I noticed problems with my vision. Well I guess it had been a bit weird before, but I was too ill to care. I found myself at home in normal situations, talking to family members. I had been in K2 (only one with a bed) and they were nice enough, but knew nothing about diabetes (particularly treating hypos), and nothing at all about kidney failure, - and I must have said the term "charcots' joint" five or six times before I gave up and said never mind. They had no clue about anything - not even pain, as they would always wait hours to speak to a doctor before they gave me any, and were never really happy about giving me it anyway. I had the op and was expecting some relief when I came round - huge disappointment! I was in so much pain I don't really remember much, except the doctors and surgeons were all lovely. Luckily, I think I moved up to C9 the day after my op, and that's when I really started seeing things. (Now, I've been on C9 before and I am pretty sure I had a perfectly fine admission and all the nurses were lovely).

My seeing things became full blown hallucinations and I have to admit that the last couple of days are a mystery to me, I have no idea what happened and what didn't, though I am sure that the things that didn't really happen are more entertaining to read about. Here are some for instances -
Watched strands of wire in bright green and orange colours "grow" all over the windows,floors furniture and doors - grow thorns and stab my feet (leaving no marks, of course, only pain).
Spider-like bugs grow from same wire and follow me to the bathroom.
Gangs of werewolf/vampire teenagers - in Michael Jackson Thrilleresque clothes, outside my window, floating, smoking, biting and snogging eachother.
The whole wall of Addenbrookes changing into something hideous, like an evil castle with demons and monsters carved in the rock, and huge flying monsters being ridden by the aforementioned werewolf boys, for as far as the eye could see.
Said monsters flying up to my window, looking straight at me and bellowing.
At this point I gave up any planned bravery I had and got a nurse to come and shut my windows and curtains. Luckily I had spoken to her earlier, when she took me for my ultrasound scan on my stomach, so she was cool.

This afternoon discovered the weird wire plant had infected my water jug - frequent requests for a fresh one follow. Have taken to covering all my drinks with a tissue, and got Mum to bring me a bottle of water.
Spent several hours sitting with ugly, mean-looking rottweiler - who also looks like an extra from LOTR, only to discover she is a complete sweetie, and sometimes she is a very dark -skinned African woman who speaks when I speak to her. She has three puppies with her, but none of them are hers. She hasn't been able to have puppies since she was four. She got in a fight with an 18stone rottweiler and afterwards her owners took her to a hospital (did she mean vet?) and the doc (vet) took her home but she didn't make it. She still visits him but doesn't think he knows it. She is very poorly looking and sounding, and says she doesn't like the cold this time of year. She asked why I was here and what was wrong with me. (Mum says that the fact she gets cold means she isn't a ghost as it's not cold in heaven). She asked me if I was alone and I said yes apart from my Mum. She wasn't there when Mum came so I couldn't introduce her.
There were lots of cats too - a full-grown one sitting on my wheelchair with the rottie. She had two kittens on her head, playing and cuddling, and then a little black one on the chair who slept the whole time, and a black and white one who came and sat next to me. I touched her I'm sure I felt her - I felt the vibrations of her purring anyway. (Rather like the bellowing of the monster duck thing outside). There was also one lying by the door, and one under the sink on a box who had two kittens, and one big one who seemed shy and the rottie called him Simon, I think.
They came and went all the time. At one point the cleaner came in and threw the hoover lead over the cat under the sink, which woke up startled, got up and ran like hell, causing the lead to clatter on the floor, but she did not notice.
They were all gone when I got back from an exray. While chatting to the nurse I discovered there had been no school trip on the ward. Nevermind that I had heard the kids ask if they could play with the doggie - the nurses were dressed up and everything.
I saw a group of men DRIVE up to the roof of Addenbrookes and wind-glide off it into the patients carpark below which is emptyish on a sunday.
The pond thing has built a web from my TV to the wall opposite and I can see a fucking big spider on it's way, so I'm pathetically repeating "I don't believe you, you're not real", but I'm close to a major freak. However there are some nice cuddley teddies up there that might protect me.
This evening I saw some people standing, staring through the ajoining window to the nextdoor room. I smiled and they smiled back and held up some dogs to "put a smile back on your face". Probably because no-one here has ever seen me smile yet. Anyway I was talking to Mum and it was her who said "Are they real?" which hadn't occured to me, but then I noticed it was a whole Christmas parade in there - well you did ask!

So I've had a busy day really and now I've shut the windows and curtains to keep the monsters out - not like they can't just float in...., so now it's time for more drugs and sleep.
By the way, the pain team did stop the morphine when they heard about my hallucinations, and apologised saying that they wouldn't have recommended it if they had realised I was changing from CAPD to haemo dialysis at the time, as I won't be at optimum efficiency for a while, so the byproducts of the morphine and pethedine will hang around in my body. Five days is the current estimate though it could be shorter or longer. I can't believe that anyone takes those sorts of drugs for FUN!

Well, that's the last of Joannes' notes - I'm sure she would have flowered it up and made it funnier if she'd had a chance to post it herself, but I'm afraid you got it in the raw. The hallucinations episode was not all bad, in fact she was fascinated by it and we talked endlessly about all that she experienced, not only during visits but also in our usual phone conversations in the morning and at lunchtimes. I seem to have run out of space-will continue,next post.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Wow - I have broadband!! I just loadeed up the software and I even sent a photo via email and it went in seconds! How exciting - it was much easier to do than I thought which makes me think that I haven't done it right - still, it seems to be working although i am not really interested in doing much on here right now - I still have about 15 more Christmas cards to make and I have a yoghurt waiting to be eaten too with a cup of tea.

I will add that i forgot to mention the Late Night Shopping last night - it was good fun - very noisy and a bit to crowded for my liking - I felt very intimidated walking around town - luckily I just hung on to mum's arm most of the time - I won a fluffy unicorn on a stall for not getting the big prize - and then I won a bottle of red wine on the Cat's Protection League Stall - typical - I also got a letter in the post from CAPD telling me which alcohol has the most potassium and phosphate in it - you guessed it, red wine.

I made it once along the High Street before my knee gave out and as I wondered alone back to the car a "gang of youths" approached me and shouted that I "look like a fucking dildo" this, I assume was a reference to the pink woolly hat I was wearing but I rose above it and ignored them. I wish I had been well enough and brave enough to whack them all with my stick. Bastards.

So all that shopping last night - and then Christmas Card Making today has left me feeling very festive - plus I got a new pair of pyjamas with reindeer on which I will wear at the medical exams next week.

Well this internet lark seems much faster already so I guess I did do it right after all!


Good morning! I just put my whole blog into a word document - hundrfeds of pages long and a total of 183,500 ish words - is that like a book? maybe I should see if anyone will publish it!

I am not supposed to be playing on the internet as I still have christmas cars to make but I have settles on pictures and text now so it shouldn't take too long to assemble them.

I ahve at least cooked lunch for mum and I so that we don't have to bother with dinner.

One more pointless post but who cares.

this is a hideous picture of me being festive I think I am going ot use it on my profile
Posted by Hello

Friday, December 10, 2004

Wow - this Christmas lark is tiring - today I have actually been working - on our Christmas cards - already we seem to have recieved hundreds and so my printing up 50 doesn't seem enough - mum will probably send those out and I do have good old standby bought cards for my friends - so if you don't get a hand made one please don't be offended - I just have too many people to send cards to this year.

I already have received Christmas money from my rich relatives which is lovely and tonight is Late Night Shopping in Haverhill so I am going in with mum - no doubt she will bring Ash too - but if I remember last year it is pretty hectic in town with lots of loud noises and flashing lights - not really sure Ash will appreciate it.

I haven't been sick again - and funnily enough I haven't taken tramadol again either - I think I can pretty much guarantee I will throw up if I take it again. I am slowly getting over the fall - my legs still hurts but it isn't unbearable unless I have been walking on it all day.

Next weeek is my busy week in Addenbrookes - I am in for another iron infusion on Monday - then I have Tuesday off and then Wednesday and Thursday I am a patient for the medical exams - although on Wednesday I have to get to F6 by 4:30 for an interview - which won't go on too late as it is their Christmas Party that night too! they sounded like a really nice bunch when I called today so that is a good sign!

Uh-oh Piper and Clooney are shouting at each other - they are both trying to sleep on the sofa and have suddenly realised they weren't alone.

Anyway back to my busy week, on Friday I have chiropody - so I can take my cards and sweeties in to them then - maybe I'll pop into C5 at the same time and drop off my best wishes to that lot - hopefully I will be able to walk in and OUT again without needing any medical assistance.

It's dark now so I should switch the lights on and get the garden sparkling!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Woo hoo I'm alive and I'm at home!! I had the best night's sleep and then I got up and felt well enough to go out walking with mum and Ash and to meet the crowd who are up there every morning no matter what the weather to walk their dogs - I finally met Oscar - the dog who plays with Ash quite roughly every morning and little Sammy and Jet were up there too.

I am amazed that I was able to walk this morning - last night I must have overdone the walking as I seized up completely and could barely put any weight on my leg - I went to bed in tears and it took me ages to fall asleep but I woke up pain free. After the walk this morning my knee and thigh are a bit sore but my so called "bad" leg feels fine - it's my "good" leg now that is causing the most pain - it's hard to believe my x-ray was ok when it all hurts this much.

Mum has just gone to work and so it is just me and the animals now in the house - I have stacks of videos to catch up on and a nice big TV to reintroduce myself to the delights of the media and see what's happening in the world - after a week in hospital with no TV and me too lazy to read the newspaper I am feeling a bit cut off from the world!

Catcha later!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I’m going home today! I am awake at this ridiculous hour this morning because they have already been in and woken me up with obs and drugs and they even wanted me to get up and be weighed - thank god for dialysis, it hasn’t finished yet so there is no point weighing me until it does.

I FINALLY watched Underworld last night and it was pretty good - even though the main vampire was played by the aging rocker from Love Actually - he was pretty good though so that was ok - the others in it were good although I didn’t recognise many of them Kate Beckinsdale (sp?) was a pretty good miserable vampire.

OK - panic over I’m NOT resistant to vancomycin - what a relief! I have in fact got a bug which is resistant to vancomycin but it doesn’t make me ill - it was grown from the tip of my last femoral line - now if only Archie had told me that days ago he would have saved me some panic!

I’ve just seen the docs - good old Dr Nick and Dr Sanjay (who aren’t really very old) - and apparently my x-ray is fine (amazing how much pain you can get when you are “fine”) and I can go home tonight yippee!!! I can ring mum in a minute and tell her the good news - I must remember to get an address for Patientline so I can write and complain - I still have not seen anyone or had a working TV or phone the whole time I was in here - now I know that a few years ago no one had a working TV or phone when they were in hospital but if the facility is there, it should work don’t you think? Or I should at least have seen a person come up to my room to tell me it can’t be fixed and apologise. Can’t you just tell I am feeling better today?

I don’t really want to start packing too soon as I will just end up unpacking it again before I go - it is almost lunch time so I don’t have that long to go - my legs are aching and sore so I think I might take a walk downstairs to see if I can get them moving again, I’m sure they feel worse today because I didn’t do much walking about yesterday. At least I am not feeling so sick today although I still haven’t been to the toilet - hopefully once I get home and moving around more and eating better food I will get back to normal. My ears are ok - after the piercing, I haven’t been cleaning them as often as I should while I’ve been in here but I have been turning them every day and they feel fine, it would have been very embarrassing if they had got infected and I had to admit that to the doctors. I am so looking forward to going to sleep tonight - I will have Clooney with me probably as she gets a bit clingy when I first come out of hospital - she’s so gorgeous I can’t wait to get home - Ash will be pleased to see me as I still have some wotsits left for him to share with me.

Lunch will be a mystery for me today as Chris ordered it for me when I was out yesterday - I almost missed breakfast this morning - after complaining about being woken up I sat there waiting for the breakfast trolley which didn’t arrive so I was thinking they must be running late when Chris came in and asked me if I wanted anything now as she had been unable to wake me up earlier! So I had missed the trolley altogether! How embarrassing - luckily Chris was nice enough to come back and check on me and got me a cup of tea and some cornflakes.

Well, the doctor said he would get a nurse to come and take out my femoral line now - that was about 15 minutes ago so I doubt it will happen very fast. Nothing ever does in this place - unless you don’t want it to…. I am now fed up with typing and so I will finish here and maybe type some more when I am bored later.

Ok so I am REALLY bored now - I had to leave C5 as they needed the bed and so I am sitting in the discharge lounge where I’ve been since around 2:30pm - the TV is not even on and I am surrounded by three old men and a very old woman who keeps taking her false teeth out and putting them on the table. The other guys are all moaning about having to wait for transport and one of them is moaning because his daughter keeps ringing to find out if he has gone already and yet she won’t come in and get him herself - I am just bored to death and getting stiffer every minute and I am also starving hungry and yet it will be late before mum can get to me - probably nearer 7pm - well the discharge lounge shuts at 7pm so I hope she gets here before or else I will be waiting out in the car park when she gets here and it’s bloody cold and wet out there. I assume they will give us a sandwich at 5pm and maybe some soup so I won’t wait for mum though I will suggest we get a Burger King before we drive home - and we canshare it in the car with Ash (because there’s no way mum will come and get me even though she knows I am in the discharge lounge, until she has gone home and picked up Ash first, fed the animals, had a fag and then she might get in the car and come and get me. I did call Dagan - he was off sick and said he would come and get me only he didn’t think it would be a good idea as he had a stinking cold that I didn’t want to catch - he sounded rough - I offered to look after him and Rolo but he managed to persuade me it was a bad idea - I was just so desperate to get home - though I didn’t have keys so I would have had to go home with him - anyway the last thing I need is a bad cold for Christmas - I intend to be happy and healthy this Christmas - infact I don’t think I want him visiting on Sunday if he is still ill - Angela will have to come with Rolo on her own!

Ok so that wasted about 10 minutes not quite what I was hoping - I wish I could just close my eyes and then it be 7pm already - listen to me - wishing my life away - it’s weird that there are thousands of people around the world who would give anything to have a couple of hours off to do sod all except rest. Probably just as many who would like to stay home all day, every day - which I do like, I just wish I still had the full time wages to go with all that free time.

I must remember to ring the hospital in the morning and rearrange my interview if possible for the ward clerk job on F6. it’s only 6 hours a week which I should be able to manage but will give me a bit more adult contact during the week - not that I don’t love spending my days talking cat and dog but it would just be nice to feel useful again - even if only for a few hours a week. Then I have the medical exams to do on the 15th and 16th - if there are any final year students reading this who are likely to be seeing me in their exams - PAY ATTENTION!! There is a lot to take in!! Though I will be able to tell if you have read my blog or not. Would that be considered cheating? Would they have to declare they knew me? I’m sure most of the students at Addenbrookes have examined or talked to me at one stage or another, I’d like to see Rugby player Tom again - the one who had me squeeze his thigh to keep my blood flowing (I think he just wanted his thigh squeezed actually) that would go down well in an exam wouldn’t it “Oh yes I can’t examine this patient she has squeezed my thigh in the past”

Ok, that was another ten minutes if I can do that three more times I might make it to 5pm then I only have another 2 hours after that OH MY GOD I will die of boredom - I can feel my veins and muscles shutting down as I type - death is very near….

Solitaire anyone??

Monday, December 06, 2004

Wow it is the 6th of December already - Sunday was pretty boring - my bowels are not playing the game and so I reduced to typing about them - it is a sad time indeed when all you have to say about a day involves your bowels - I am still bunged up and I feel dreadful - I was in tears Saturday night - and the nurse came running in saying “Oh Jo! What’s wrong darling? Have you hurt yourself” to which I replied (totally feeble and pathetic voice in between huge sobs) “I c c c can’t g g go to the t t t t oilet wahhhh!” so they gave me picolax - with no effect then they tried suppositories - I won’t go in to details - had a small result but nothing since - I feel like I am blowing up - last night I was sick again and I am sure it was just because there is no room left inside me for any more food.

Mum came in to visit and so I went outside and sat with Ash - sharing a packet of wotsits he seemed pleased to see me, until all the wotsits were gone then he just curled up in the back of the car and went to sleep - I missed a big “family” day yesterday when Dagan, Angela, Rolo and Uncle Brian came over for lunch so mum cooked (yes she cooked and didn’t stress about it!) and they all had a wonderful time - without me. She cooked my Butternut squash that I had bought - I’ve never cooked it before and I had plans for that squash but they ate it - to be fair she did bring some cold butternut mash in for me to eat which was quite nice.

She also told me that she has bought a tommy tippee cup for me when I go hypo - seeing as I twitch and have recently thrown whole cups of tea all over myself and the furniture when I’m low, she has now bought me an infant beaker so I will be able to drink the tea without making a mess - how sweet (actually it was my idea, although I was thinking of a more grown up version) I hope it doesn’t melt with a hot cup of tea in it - aren’t they meant for milk and juice?

Today I didn’t manage to eat much as I felt too sick - I went down to the medical day care unit for my Iron infusion - they had saved my femoral line for them to use bu thte re was no one on staff qualified to use it so the PA put another line in - which Iwas very impressed with as no doctor up here had managed to find a vein for blood even and she got one straight away - in my foot. Still, it worked and I had my infusion - I’m back for two more over the next fortnight so I hope my foot lasts that long. I got back almost too late for lunch = not that I really fancied eating anything but I forced down some mash - and a yoghurt, then this afternoon. I was finally taken off for my hip x-ray - I saw a doctor when I got back - one of the lady docs I’ve seen on the ward but not met personally before and she was really nice - she seems a bit abrupt at first but she’s just nice really. She said they need to look at my x-ray, take out my line and then maybe home tomorrow - she didn’t seem to think my bowels were a problem.

I just had dinner - managed a bit more this time - cauliflower cheese and another diabetic jam tart - which was nice although I am feeling sick now.

Last night I watched 50 first dates which was actually pretty funny even though I can’t stand Adam Sandler or that Rob Schneider bloke. I like Drew Barrymore though and she was good in it - the bloopers reel was funny too and the featurettes on the DVD were good, even though I was almost asleep when I was watching them and trying to keep my eyes open. I think I will try Underworld tonight as I am not quite sure I am in the mood for Thunderbirds. Or I might just go to sleep…. If my bowels allow it.

I got to 9pm and I am so uncomfortable - I can’t get in a comfy position and I am too hot and sweaty - I wish I was at home where I can just fiddle with my bed until I am comfy then sleep under my fluffy duvet and be woken up the next morning by a little squeak as Clooney jumps up on the bed and pokes me in the face with her little paw. I really miss her when I am in here. She’s so cute.

The doc told me that when I go home I should be cosseted for a few days - I told mum this and she said I could “go blow” for cosseting and to tell my doctor that she doesn’t do cosseting. So I think we are clear about the cosseting now - it ain’t gonna happen! It must be nice to be cosseted, that word doesn’t look right but I’m sure it’s spelled that way hmm - you know some words never look right and the more you write them the more wrong they look.

Yesterday a nurse came in to do my obs - as I am being barrier nursed it was refreshing to see she actually was wearing gloves - however when she came in and after she had done my obs she wrote the results on her gloves - nothing wrong with that you imagine - however there were at least three other sets of results on her gloves so she hadn’t changed them when she came into me - fine barrier nursing I don’t think. I can’t see how you can possibly be barrier nursed in a room without a toilet anyway, I wish I’d said something but I get embarrassed and didn’t want to embarrass her - people die from embarrassment you know and I should remember that next time I am banged up in a room with MRSA and no drugs able to treat it.